Living Fearlessly? HA!

There is a lot of talk now a days about living a fearless life…. Taking on things fearlessly and eliminating your fears. Really??? The biological directive that has kept us alive and evolving for millennia is just to somehow be thrown out the window? Ha ha… yeah, right. That’s called override and it may work for the particular situation you are currently in, but it will resurface as soon as you have a new challenge.

Stop trying to live up to an impossible ideal of living fearlessly and learn to embrace your fear. That doesn’t mean live in your fear and let it dictate your life… but lean into it and see what it’s trying to tell you. Mastin Kipp says, “Unless you’re in mortal danger, your fear is your arrow pointing you in the direction you should go.” Not living into your fear is what keeps you from your purpose in life. Not living into your fear is what keeps you stuck and afraid and unfulfilled.

Now let me make a distinction – living IN your fear would be staying in your comfort zone, being afraid to go beyond the confines of what you know, and allowing that to define your life. Living INTO your fear, means feeling your fear, knowing that new is often scary, being brave, and doing it anyway. Our nervous systems give us fears of “new” in attempts to keep us safe, because just a thousand years ago, something “new” might very well kill us. Most of us don’t live in a world where we have mortal danger on a regular basis, but our brains and nervous systems don’t distinguish between real and perceived threats or between physical and mental/emotional threats. To our brains and nervous systems, all of it could kill us, which of course, isn’t true.

But how do we live INTO our fears? By acknowledging them and defining them clearly. You see, we often avoid our fears because facing something scary is uncomfortable and our brains and bodies are hardwired for comfort. When we are comfortable, we are safe. But when we are comfortable, we are also not growing. Your comfort zone is where your dreams go to die… unrealized… unfulfilled… and lost at the end of your life. But if you are reading this, chances are you have at least a few years left, if not decades, and that is plenty of time to fulfill a purpose laid on your heart and soul. Acknowledging our fear doesn’t give the fear more power, it gives us the power to overcome it.

What is it that you are afraid of? Some may answer, “starting a business,” “following my dreams,” “letting go of a relationship,” etc. But what is the real fear? - Failure? Not being enough? Being alone? - And what’s underneath of that? Where does that fear come from?

The more you define and see your fear clearly, the more manageable it becomes. Let’s take starting a business for example – You are afraid of failure… ok, what would you need to be successful? Do you have the skills to start a business? If not, what do you need to properly equip you? What is it that you want to do? Why? Have you had experiences in the past that challenge your confidence that you can be successful? If so, what do you need to overcome them? Therapy? A Life Coach? Other Support? ...

Can you begin to see how defining your real fears and mapping out how to overcome them might give you more power in life?

Now – I see you – I see those of you that just read all those questions and are feeling completely overwhelmed at the thought of this. Breathe… in… out… in… out.

This is a daunting task without support. It is not a minute to win it situation. This is part of your journey of life… of growth… of becoming all that you truly are. Living into your purpose is the very cornerstone of why you are here on this planet. Find your mentors, coaches, support people. Develop your internal world (nervous system and mindset) to be flexible with the uncertainty and challenges of the external world. This all starts with one small step… and then another… and then another. Tiny steps to move you forward over time and keep you out of overwhelm are how you reach success. You can move mountains one stone at a time. Facing your fears, facing your challenges, and facing your past is what equips you to move into the future with new possibilities and resilience… feeling the fear and doing it anyway. What’s going to be your first step?

*Let me know in the comments below*