A Glimpse Is Not Enough
We’ve all been there – You pass a dad in the grocery store and his child is being helpful and courteous and you think to yourself, “What a lovely child. What a good father!” Then, a few isles over, you pass a mom with her child sitting in the cart – only this time, the child is SCREAMING, shaking the cart, and having an absolute fit because momma had the nerve to say “No” to buying Cocoa Puffs. You pass them as the mother, looking a bit angry and quite distraught, gives you a clenched smile of apology. You pass by thinking, “Oh My Goodness – That child needs some discipline and that mom needs to learn to set boundaries. Why doesn’t she take that child out of here? Why do the rest of us have to suffer?”
The thing is – I have been in every one of those roles more times that I can count. I have had the exceptionally behaved child and been complimented in public and I’ve been the frazzled-to-my-core mom who got the side-eye for not controlling or removing my child – But I had to finish my shopping then, because there was no other time to do it. And then of course, before I had kids, I was a queen of quick judgment for parents. Now, not one of these roles I’ve played for a moment, give you a full picture of who I am. A glimpse is not enough, to define the depth of a life.
To be clear, judgment is a natural part of being human. Every day, all day long, we are making quick judgments about places, actions, and people to determine if we are safe or not. This is a natural and normal part of all of us. The problem with these kinds of judgments is when they affect how we feel and how we make others feel. If that mom with the screaming child in the cart is actually a very caring and loving parent just having a really bad moment, not even necessarily a bad day, but a bad moment….Do you think it’s helpful to that mom to give her a side-eye glare? And what about you? Now you are angry, and irritated, and grumpy – Do you really want to carry that around with you for a while just because you observed a bad moment of someone else’s life?
So what do we do? If quick judgments are natural but a glimpse isn’t enough to make a fair judgment, what do we do? Look to compassion, find your empathy, remember there is hope. No good comes of making a bad day worse, but a caring glance, a kind word, or even a silent wish for a better day, can make a world of difference. A glimpse is not enough, but a judgment made of love, won’t hurt.
