The Words that Bind Us
“The words that bind us” – What comes to mind when you hear that? – The words that bind us - Do you think of connection, family, caring, community? Maybe words used in social justice causes or words used to refer to environmental issues that bring us together around a common goal?
Or did you think of the flip side? Words that bind us up inside. Words that have such an ingrained meaning that we may have a physical response, such as a shudder, an anxious inhale, or perhaps an eye roll.
I used to attend a Unitarian Universalist church, where many faiths gathered together in community. God was a word not often heard in our services, but when it was, there was a noticeable change in the energy in the room. So many had been hurt or suppressed by the original faiths in which they were raised, that the very mention of God would create a visceral response. I must admit, when I first started attending years ago, I too would grow anxious and irritated at the mention. God had always meant the proverbial father-figure, ever-watching and waiting to pass judgment on my every move. No wonder I would get anxious! After this happened a few times, I realized that I would detach from the sermon being given and rehash my childhood feelings about God. Since that wasn’t why I was going to church, I started talking to others about their beliefs in God, reflecting on my understanding, and expanding my concept of what the word God could be. Words can be powerful, but only as powerful as we allow them to be. If we allow words to bind us to our past, we miss out on the conversations of the present and future. When we disconnect or dismiss what someone is saying because of the use of a particular word, we withdraw from the conversation. Any meaning or insight that might have been shared is lost. When we talk with people with whom we disagree, if we don’t push through those words that bind us, we may never find the commonalities that could unite us. When we throw up walls to protect ourselves from past or present feelings, we shut out opportunities for growth. Protecting ourselves from words takes away our ability to connect. This individualistic mindset betrays our communities and our world.
Now, that is not to say that we should endure every person’s tirade or be able to connect with every individual we encounter. But – it does raise questions – Who in your world could you connect with, if you could look past your binding words? What words could you give an expanded meaning, so you could engage in conversations more freely?
A few years after I had reclaimed the word God for myself, a friend called me out of the blue, frantic. She had a job interview that was very important to her, and she was riddled with self-doubt and felt unqualified and unworthy. After several minutes she finally asked, “What am I going to do?!” I answered, “Well the first thing you are going to do is go pray to God!” See, she was a devout Christian, and she felt she was a sinner and unworthy of God’s grace. I went on to explain that she should pray, not with a mindset of “what am I going to do”, but with gratitude for the opportunity, and to ask God to help her remember all the wonderful things about her. She called me the next day, calm and confident, and shared with me that I had shocked her by telling her to pray, since she knows my beliefs are more Earth-based. She found her peace through prayer, just as many of us do through meditation, prayer, or quiet reflection. Finding those commonalities that bind us together, regardless of the words we use to define them, is what can heal the divides in our relationships, in our communities, in our country, in our world. I know we all have stories about how we have helped others. But there are always more ways we can learn, and grow, and connect. Words are powerful, but we can choose what power they hold over us. Find those words that bind you and cause you to disengage. Take time to reclaim them and broaden their meaning. Because if we allow particular words to cause us to disconnect, we retreat from what binds us together.
